Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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