She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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