Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
