How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
