It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
