Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
