last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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