Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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