I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
