I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
