dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
