I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
