i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
