Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i need some magic done to my vagina
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
