I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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