By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
