I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
