Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
