Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He better not be in your backpack
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
