He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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