he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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