My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
