life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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