Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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