your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
