he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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