he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
