i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
