It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
