Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
