Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
