I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
