wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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