you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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