I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
