Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
