so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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