I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize