This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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