she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
