Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
