How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
