the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
