it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
