my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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