How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
