Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
