we have pet lesbian snakes
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We need a shit load of segways right now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
