I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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