it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
