A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
