i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
